And you thought he was just a narcissistic, unaccomplished, TelepromTer-dependent, affirmative-action assisted would-be dictator! Chris Rock is here to set you straight. He’s your boss AND your dad. And–I hope you’re sitting down–Moochelle is your mom! I don’t think so. My mom never wore as much makeup as a female impersonator or dressed like a welfare queen with a stolen credit card (H/T Og).