Barack Obama’s Mission Accomplished Speech

Just about 36 hours after his Secretary of Defense, Bob “No Vital Interest” Gates and acting President Hillary “Don’t Make Me Slap You” Clinton did a confusing and cringe-inducing “Who’s on first?” routine on two of the Sunday public affair network shows, Barack Obama finally emerged from exile to explain America’s “kinetic military action” in Libya. His speech was predictable. The pompous, prevaricating pantload currently occupying the Oval Office lied about “consulting Congress” and offered no answers to the obvious question on Americans’ minds, most important why the “images of slaughter and mass graves” that he imagines might have come from Libya are more horrifying than the actual images of those things from Iran, Somalia, Syria or Ivory Coast. Instead, appearing petulant and resentful that he had to explain anything at all, he took gratuitous, childish slaps at his predecessors George W. Bush and even Bill Clinton. To paraphrase Barack Obama, you’d think he’d say “thank you,” to George W. Bush for the fact that Khaddafy doesn’t have nuclear weapons, but he is constitutionally incapable of acknowledging anyone else’s accomplishments. In fact, the whole speech, with its incessant use of the pronoun “I” could be described as the “Why I’m So Much Better at This Job Than Those Other Boobs.” When an adjunct lecturer engages in such petty self-aggrandizement in the faculty lounge, it’s embarrassing. When the President of the United States does it, particularly one so inexperienced, and so dishonest, it’s so stunning that it prompts decent citizens to want to turn away.

Not that the speech was a complete loss. Granted, it did nothing to explain why we’re involved in Libya, how will get out of there, and who will end up paying for the whole adventure, although I have a pretty good idea about that last one. It did, however, provide some unintentional comedic value. B. Hussein said “I made it clear that Gaddafi had lost the confidence of his people and the legitimacy to lead, and I said that he needed to step down from power.” Right, as opposed to right after he was elected, when he did have the confidence of his people. Oh wait …He’s a DICTATOR. Next Barack will discover that Kim Jung Il has “lost the confidence of him people,” or Raul Castro has, and categorically state that they must step down from power.

It was equally hilarious to watch Obama’s flacks in the Jurassic media attempt to put a good face on this mashup by anointing it “the Obama doctrine.” This time, the objective was to add a muscular- sounding credential to the brand they worked so hard to build, beginning in 2004, a project that continues to this very day, with a view to re-electing this charlatan. After watching their dizzying attempts to make sense of the One’s explanation over the last 48 hours, I think that I can report that “the Obama doctrine” is as follows:  if a dictator on the continent of Africa threatens to harm his own people within 6 weeks of the Vernal Equinox in an odd numbered year, but only in that portion of the continent bordering the Mediterranean Sea, and only if the dictator refuses to choose and stick with one spelling for his name, then the United States has a responsibility to act, provided that the United Nations, France, Canada and Denmark agree, but said action does not mean removal of said dictator, even though he “must go.” Or something like that. His gushing mouthpieces didn’t mention another obvious aspect of the “Obama doctrine,” that is, when sending American forces into its third active war, there’s no need to seek Congressional consent, explain the reasons to American people on the day you initiate military action or even to be in the country at the time.

Clearly the campaign team is loading up the TelePrompTer again. “In this particular country in this particular moment,” he said at one point. I was waiting to hear about this being the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and the planet began to heal. AGAIN.

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