Comedy Tonight: The Vice Presidential Debate

Tonight an aging affable buffoon will debate the all-American boy, the smart, earnest boy scout we all wish lived next door. It’s tempting to think that, like the first presidential debate last week, this debate will be another slam dunk for the good guys. Consider three unfortunate remarks from Joe Biden:

Stand Up Chuck Remark (Biden gives a shout out to a Missouri state senator at a campaign rally. Hilarity ensues.)

The 7/11 Remark (don’t try to go to a Dunkin Doughnuts in Delaware without an Indian accent!)

The Clean and Articulate Black Guy Remark (Clean AND articulate! No wonder he calls Obama “storybook!”)

Then there’s the plagiarism and resume Inflation that drove poor Old Joe out of the presidential race in 1988.

Sure, Joe has chewed more shoes than any ten dogs, and even after centuries in “public service,” he’s still not ready for prime time. Still, it’s a mistake to assume that this one is in the bag. Here are a few pitfalls that he must avoid if he wants to win:

A There You Go Again Moment

In their only debate just days before the 1980 election, Ronald Reagan made debate history by uttering the memorable line “there you go again” after the King of the Useful Idiots, Jimmuh Carter’s rambling lecture about health care. See what I mean:

Joe Biden will try to lure Paul Ryan into the wonky weeds on an important policy issue, hoping to deliver a similar dismissive, catchy zinger that will instantly erase any memory of the substance that Paul Ryan shared with the audience. Joe is very good at reciting demagogic slogans, and you can be sure that he will have a couple up his sleeve tonight.

Paul Ryan Beats Up on The Old Man

Due to his afore-mentioned chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease, Joe Biden is a national laughingstock. He is also nearly 70 years old. If Paul Ryan tries to take the debate to Joe  too aggressively, the Obama apparatchiks in the Lame Stream Media will react as if he had actually put the Vice President in that wheelchair that the fake Paul Ryan uses when he pushes that old lady dummy over the cliff in the democrats’ commercial, and proceeded to push him over that very same cliff. So, no matter how insane the things that, God love him, poor old Joe says are, Ryan must resist the temptation to say something like “What are you talking about, you crazy old man? You’ve been in Washington D.C. since Warren Harding was president and you still don’t know anything! Why don’t you have your doctor up your dose or something?” Anything that the LSM can pounce on to accuse the challenger of being disrespectful will be a club they use to whack Ryan around.

The Phony Folksy Routine

Expect Joe to make a lot of references to raising his boys as a single father. He will also tell stories about hanging out at the Home Depot and riding the Amtrak shuttle (without any mention of the financial disaster for American tax payers that this government-run boondoggle is). And let’s not forget his story about his desperate attempts to persuade his wife to marry him. None of these yarns have anything to do with the Obama administration’s two-week disinformation campaign about the murder of four Americans, including an Ambassador, in Libya, or the bizarre unemployment numbers released last Friday, or the fact that you or someone you know can’t find a full-time job, or the relentless lawlessness of this administration, or anything else that matters, but they are designed to appeal to a core Obama constituency, the low-information, emotionally-driven voter. All of Paul Ryan’s command of the facts mean nothing to this group, but that touching story about his Aunt Bertha’s bunion is a different story.

In addition, the Jurassic media has rigged the expectation game, playing up Joe’s gaffes and making it clear that he has almost no chance against the fit “young gun.” Ryan cannot live up to the buildup, and Biden will “win” if he isn’t escorted off the stage, drooling and babbling, by a couple of white-coated attendants.

It should be entertaining, but will be forgotten after the next presidential debate. Let’s enjoy it will we can. Just as I did during the first presidential debate, I’ll be live blogging with my friends from Illinois Review. Here’s the link.


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