Rumor has it that a number of big screen offerings this coming year will feature conservative themes. Hollywood has finally seen the error of its ways and it turning farther and farther away from the Obama agenda. Can you believe it?
Well, you shouldn’t, cause I just made it up. Call it wishful thinking on a sunny Sunday, but if it were true, here are a few dynamite suggestions for potential blockbusters:
1. “I, Gore-Bot”
Genre: Science Fiction.
Plotline: A mad scientist seeks to organically develop the perfect human being but forgets to add the intellect enzyme and ends up with Al Gore.
2. “Zero Dark Durbin”
Plotline: A team of medical superstars must devise and execute a surgical procedure to extract a well-known midwestern Senator’s head from his ass.
3. “Mensa Unchained”
Plotline: Hilarity ensues when an unassuming tradesman, with the help of the Internet, uses the parts from his fourteen year old panel truck to build an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.
2. “Invasion of the Media Snatchers”
Plotline: This hard-hitting documentary examines the only possible explanation for the mainstream media’s stupidity and laziness; their brains have been sucked out of their heads by space aliens intent on destroying humanity.
5. “Honey, I shrunk the GDP!”
Genre: Political, Black Comedy
Plotline: America’s first black President bumbles through a quadruple dip recession while his bossy wife thumbs through travel brochures.
6. “The Hunger Games, Part II.”
Plotline: After a nuclear conflagration destroys 99% of the world’s food supply, a beautiful young woman warrior must somehow find enough food to survive after getting in line behind Michael Moore at the world’s last remaining all-you-can-eat buffet.
7. “Planned Parental Guidance”
Plotline: After their pre-teen daughter becomes pregnant for the eleventh time, liberal parents Bill and Bernadine must finally come to terms with the fact that she is a slut, not a liberated woman.
8. “The Twilight Saga – Benghazi”
Plotline: After their seven thousandth explanation is met with skepticism, the Obama administration decides to blame the Benghazi attack on vampires.
I wish I could close with “Coming to a theatre near you” but I can’t. The dream of a conservative or even a reasonably objective Hollywood remains just that – a dream. But hey, dreams are what movies are made of, right? It just depends on whose dreams…
As Porky Pig would say, “That’s all folks.”