Critics Assail Lack of FTC Approval for Fatah-Hamas Merger

On the day that President Barack Hussein Obama will make a major foreign policy speech about the Middle East at the State Department, Mohammed Mohammed Abdul Abul Abdullah, spokesman for KABOOM (Kindred Alliance of Bombers, Osama-Worshipping, Oddball Maniacs) expressed the organization’s unhappiness that the recent merger of Hamas and Fatah did not require approval by the FTC. He referred not to the U.S. Federal Trade Commission, but rather the Fanatic Terrorist Commission, a little-known organization that attempts to promote competition among murdering terrorist groups.

Mr. Abdullah explained:

Many Americans do not understand that we are not anti-modern. We are anti-Western. We hate America, but we love its technology. Don’t be fooled by that video of Osama watching that 70’s style dorm tv with the wires coming out of the back. He was old school, no matter how much we tried to drag him into the 21st century when it comes to technology.  He was worse than your Aunt Tillie, who still has a VCR, and one with that “12:00” flashing on the clock! Honestly, it was ridiculous. Many people believe that the reason that he didn’t have a cell phone was that he was afraid of being captured. That wasn’t it at all. We just couldn’t get him to use one that wasn’t made in 1998 and wasn’t the size of a toaster! We finally gave up and took it away from him.

But I digress …I wanted to talk about this merger and how it should not have been permitted. As I said, we love technology, including cable tv. Personally, I love CNBC and Fox Business, and I’ve learned from watching them that competition makes organizations more innovative and more productive. It also lets us all reap the benefits of experimentation. The infidel Stuart Varney talks about it all the time. So now we have this competition-reducing merger. It’s no good! Say one group wants to blow up a school and one wants to blow up a school bus. Instead of doing both, and seeing which one results in more death, injury and destruction, we have them choosing to do only one! It’s very very bad. I don’t know what the FTC could have been thinking!

Asked whether the merger might jeopardize future funding from the United States, Mr. Abdullah said “You’re kidding, right?”

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