Intelligent observers realized a long time ago that Barack Hussein Obama is an unintentional laugh riot, and those who hadn’t realized it before this past week should check out the video of his embarrassing, office-debasing appearance on Jimmy Fallon’s show. Tonight I predict that he will do a series of lame, and sometimes cringe-inducing jokes, about Osama bin Laden being dead and GM being alive, his birth certificate and his “flexibility” after the election. Don’t worry. As you know, I watch so you don’t have to, and I and Producer Thomas will be watching. As always, listeners to the Teri O’Brien Show will be ahead of the curve, hearing and, more important, commenting on, the news on Sunday that everyone else will be talking about on Monday.
Here’s some jokes that I predict the One won’t tell:
(1) Some have suggested that I am gutting the defense budget by cutting back on the number of aircraft carriers. It’s true that I want to cut back on the number of actual aircraft carriers, but has anyone reported that I am making up for that by sending Michelle to float face down in the Strait of Hormuz, where her ass will more than compensate for the loss of at least one carrier in the fleet? See, I didn’t think so. And those guys on right wing blogs claim that there is media bias.
(2) And speaking of our military, those who say we don’t want to fund it are lying for political reasons. I have demanded that Congress maintain a military budget that is very generous; that is, I insist that it be at a MINIMUM 50% of Michelle’s vacation and shoe budget. So don’t tell me that I don’t want to fund the military.
(3) Has anyone here seen Bo? Me either. Never mind. I’m sure he’s here somewhere. In the meantime, enjoy your dinner, and if what you’re eating tastes like chicken, that’s great. Not that I said it’s chicken. You didn’t hear that from me.
Feel free to add your own ideas about jokes we won’t hear tonight, and don’t forget to tune in to the Teri O’Brien Show tomorrow at 4 pm Central for a full unpacking of the actual jokes, unintentional and intentional, from tonight’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner.