The Stair Climbing Senior, Fake Amazon Babies, Shacking Up Seniors, and Other Freeloaders We Can Live Without

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. In fact, I never make them, but the beginning of a new year is a good time to assess how we can correct our mistakes and do better going forward. One of the most effective things we could do in to make that happen would be to rid ourselves of one of the most destructive plagues afflicting our country, a malady that can and may destroy us if we don’t do something about it, and fast. What is it? Please read on.

If you really want to set off an ear-splitting, migraine-inducing wail fest from the Left, because they are so cute when they are faux angry, just start talking about how disgusted you are when you see slackers, and deadbeats, otherwise known as the takers, people like the women in this infamous video, squealing with delight over getting free stuff from Barack’s stash. Then there was another eager would-be government ward, Peggy Joseph, who put on an embarrassing clinic in the ignorance, and perhaps even stupidity, that causes an adult to believe in Santa Claus aka Barack Obama.

I share the mixed emotions that I suspect these wretches inspire in many of you; specifically, the loathing of their lack of personal responsibility and their apparent complete willingness to be supplicants, surviving on the crumbs tossed their way, by a supposedly benevolent state, and the genuine sadness that anyone in this country would be content to be dependent on the government, unconcerned that she is being supported by her hard-working neighbors. Whether she realizes it or not, this woman is a freeloader, and an enthusiastic one at that. She doesn’t try to hide it or deny it because, unfortunately, she obviously doesn’t see anything wrong with it.. There are still many people who do associate some sigma with this attitude, but, still, the freeloader mentality is spreading. It’s not just for welfare baby mamas and their serial sperm donors anymore. Let’s not spare the Solyndra-style crony capitalists, the disability couch potatoes and other recipients of various government largess. Other than our veterans, nearly everyone getting a government check is, if not a full-blown freeloader, dangerously close to becoming one.

It’s this freeloader mentality that will eventually turn us from a mighty nation populated by resourceful rugged individualists into an anemic, Euro-style passel of grey mice, traveling from their little state-owned cubicles on government-run mass transit to their subsistence jobs and back. It’s the freeloader mentality that told some people that Obamacare was not a ridiculous hoax. How else could anyone believe that they could keep everything they liked without any changes, while people at death’s door would get “insurance?”

I have had it with freeloaders, and not just the obvious variety. They are everywhere, as previously noted, in every strata of society. Consider a few closer to home examples:

Stair climbing Senior

A friend who lives in a condo building told me that one of her neighbors has a unique form of cardiovascular exercise. He likes to go up and down the building’s stairs. Unfortunately, not only does this senior citizen, with little else to do, like to get in his neighbors’ faces and regale them with stories about his staircase heroics (“I climbed 300 flights this week!”), as a result of his constant pounding, the carpet is threadbare. Does this guy offer to pay for the cost that he imposed on everyone else because, instead of doing what a decent person would do, either getting his own exercise equipment, jogging outside, or joining a gym, he chose to destroy the common area? Of course not. Like it or not, Pops, unless you pony up with the cost of replacing that carpet, you are a freeloader. Do everyone a favor. Get a treadmill. Bonus suggestion: do you have one of those flip phones that are all the rage with your set? Call someone who cares how many flights you climbed.

 MS-NBC Advocate Fake Babies

A writer at the liberal website Slate suggested an innovative way to save money on household supplies: lie to amazon.com, in this case, by inventing a fake baby. As Matthew Yglesias says:

Amazon has a program called Amazon Mom that’s a pretty neat way to save some money on common household items. But here’s the thing. It turns out you don’t need to be a mom to sign up. You don’t need to be a dad, either. You just need to be a liar. …

And there’s no monthly fee and no extra commitment to buy stuff. You just need to tell Amazon some stuff about your baby—birthday and such—presumably so they can target you with baby-related offers. Except your baby can be fake. My baby, Tim Duncan Crawford, named after my wife’s favorite basketball player and given her surname, was born on December 14, 2013. Except he’s just a lie I created to get cheaper soap.

Sure, Matt, no worries! What’s a few lies if you can freeload a few bucks off some soap

Social Security Shack Ups

Recently, I was talking to two male acquaintances, when the conversation turned to who wears the pants in the family. One of the men said that he understood perfectly, and from the way he said it, it was clear to me that he appreciates the secret to having a good marriage. He nodded knowingly, if not approvingly, when I said “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Then I said, “Or as the great wedding toast says ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life.'” The other man said “It’s the same thing, even if you aren’t actually married. You don’t need a ring, after all, even though we’re going to get rings.” I replied “I couldn’t disagree more.” He responded “You don’t understand. At our age, we lose a lot of Social Security benefits by being married.” As much as it took to resist the temptation to sarcastically say “Oh, isn’t that adorable! They’re only in their 60’s and they’re playing house!,” it took even more willpower to avoid mentioning that current Social Security beneficiaries are receiving about $3 for every $1 they contributed to this soon to be bankrupt system. Are the beneficiaries of these middle-class “entitlements” (you’ve got to love that word!) freeloaders? Tell me in the comments.

Happy New Year.

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